Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Things I know

More random notes:

  • Went into Joliet/Channahon area this weekend to honor the newborn "princess", Ashlyn Taylor Collins.  She's my new niece, born to Joe "The Ox" Collins and Deborah "I'm really sore" Frayne on Nov 29. 
  • Ashlyn was a whopping 9 lb 13 oz...And what a bundle of joy she really is.  I wanted to put her between two pieces of bread and eat her all up.  Nom Nom Nom. 
  • I had to settle for gnawing gently on her little fingers.
  • My brother has had to unscrew pretty much every light bulb, cover every outlet, and install safety latches on everything.  It's no use, because my nephews Cole and Aiden could take apart and put back together ANYTHING. They're 4.  Have fun with that.
  • Aiden and Cole are going to install some track lighting at my house this winter. 
  • I went out in just my socks this morning to get the paper, slid a little bit on the sidewalk, and took all the skin off of my third toe.  Luckily it's not my favorite one.  And now it never will be.
  • I am still, and forever more will be, on a diet.  Wait, that's not the politically correct term...it's a "life-change" which is diet speak for "sometimes I'm going to have a brownie, beeyotch.  Deal."
  • I can run as fast as a Jack Russell terrier, but not by choice.  It's just courtesy of my heaving, 90 pound, muscle bound black Labrador-who-saw-a-squirrel-he-must-chase. 
  • It is my fervent hope that no one sees me running as fast as a Jack Russell terrier.
  • I have finished approximately 8 percent of my Christmas shopping.  Wait, I took one thing back.  Damn.  Ok, 6 percent of my Christmas shopping.
  • My children are 22, 20, and 18 and they still get Christmas stockings from Santa.  And a little something from the Easter Bunny.
  • While helping Santa fill the stockings, I eat approximately 3/4 of a pound of chocolate.  I don't think anyone knows except whoever is behind me at the gym staring at my rump.
  • I always think that I'm going to die by a freak kitchen accident with the hand mixer.
  • My kids have turned on the hand mixer accidentally, putting it away, so when I plug it in it whirs and it's enough to make me pee a little in fright.
  • I think Christmas Story is hysterical and I would watch it over and over, and have, in fact, done so.
  • I want a leg lamp.  It’s a major prize.
  • My other favorite Christmas movie is A Diva's Christmas starring Vanessa Williams.  It gives me a heart quake.
  • I love to scare my husband, or anyone else, for that matter.  But especially my husband.
  • I once owned a bank.  For about 1 minute.  Straw man, anyone?
  • I think the Target Chorus lady is about the funniest thing I have seen yet.

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