However, looking down from my lofty perch at 45 years old, (yeah, 45. Hey, middle age, how ya doing?) I feel that there are some things that I am now qualified to have an educated opinion on. At least, a crabby old lady opinion on.
The following are things that REALLY DRIVE ME FRIGGIN CRAZY.
- Hi, Mr. Telemarketer? You who calls me almost every day at work, pretending to be friends with the president of the company? Or want to talk to him because you're "working on his driveway and have a quick question." Or keep refusing to give me a company name. Or who CHANGE their name every single time they call? You? You drive me crazy. And I'll never, ever, ever let you through to him. I know your voice now, David/Cory. Suck it.
- You, in the car ahead of me? The one who, despite the fact that the light turned green 10 seconds ago, are looking down, and so busy TEXTING that you don't notice the light change? Yeah, you. Put the friggin phone down. Put it down. I am older, and have more insurance, and I WILL NOT HESITATE TO HIT YOU with my car.
- Those of you who try to sneak through the yellow/red light. You're not sneaking. You're just breaking the law. And pissing me off.
- Stores who don't play fair at the coupon game. Come on, let me use two coupons for the same thing. It's not like it is coming out of your own pocket.
- (but as a side note, thank you to most of the boy check out clerks, who would find it embarrassing to turn down a coupon and therefore let me slide, pretending to be grateful for my old lady wink of thanks. Thank you anyway.)
- The concession stand at the movies. How dare you. Really? $8 for a bag of popcorn? When I can pop up the same amount at home for about a quarter? And damn you for being so good that I'll pay the stupid $8 and then just bitch about it.
- The movie companies who are charging $7.25 to let me in to see a movie. No wonder so many people try to sneak in. I, however, am not one of them, nor will I ever be, because I would be the one who gets caught. Or if not caught, unable to enjoy the movie for the guilt.
- When some punk got into my Twitter account and sent dirty pictures to people on my twitter list. It's called the Discovery Channel. Look it up if you're that bored. Or at least, do some homework. If you are smart enough to hack into my computer, apply some of those brains to real life.
- People who buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune. I mean, really. You have the entire puzzle spelled out and you insist on buying a vowel. Why? To show the rest of the world what the puzzle is before you solve it? Serves you right if you land on Bankrupt. I will WATCH AND LAUGH.
- Scary movies. Why do you make me watch you?
- The resulting fear of going into my own basement, certain that someone is watching me do laundry/fold/iron from the shadows of the basement. The fact that I will SPRINT to the stairs, to avoid being caught by whatever it is that is surely only inches from my back.
- The grasshopper that was about 12 inches from my foot this morning. You're lucky that I put you outside. It's only because it was my birthday and I didn't want to ruin it by killing something.
Get a life. Or make a list of your own.