Thursday, January 10, 2013

Chris vs the tool in customer service

So, I’m telling Joe how the conversation went between me and the (rhymes with Bohl's) customer service guy.  We had paid his bill one day late.  We never pay anything late so I told Joe I was going to call Bohl’s and get it waived.  Seeing as how the late fee was more than the actual purchase. 

You know the part where they say on the recording “calls may be recorded for customer service training?”  I must have missed the part where they say very quietly, “we’re going to connect you to a real asshat who has been trained well on how to dick you around.”


Me:  Hi, my husband paid his charge card one day late.  I was wondering if you could waive that for me.  He hardly ever charges anything on it so we forgot to make the little $20 payment. 

Tool:  Let me take a look at his credit history while I pretend I’m in the United States.  Yep, it’s good and due to your excellent credit history, yep we’ll waive the late fee.  But you still owe the minimum payment.

Me:  But we don’t have to pay anything this month, right?  Because the only charge on the bill is that silly ol’ late fee.  You know, the one you so kindly just waived. 

Tool:  You still have to make the minimum payment.

Me:  There is no minimum payment listed.  There’s only the late fee for $15. 

Tool:  (trying to find this on the customer service script) That is the minimum payment and if you don’t pay it, you’ll get another late fee.

Me:  YOU JUST WAIVED THE LATE FEE.  Technically, there’s no balance.  How could I incur a late fee on a zero balance?

(He pauses for a moment.  I’ve thrown him, I know.  I savor the superior feeling.  But what’s that?  He finds his place in the book.)

Tool:  (he triumphantly sings this next part.)  Ma’am, there is a balance of $21.64, for a purchase made after the statement date.  You have to pay the minimum payment of $15 to avoid incurring another late fee, Mrs. Cackyeetoe.

Me:  Nice try on the last name. 

Tool:  We can take your payment over the phone.

Me:  (under breath) you are a total dick.
I finally have to give in and pay the $15 nonexistent balance.  Mostly because the vein in my temple was threatening to explode, but also because I didn’t want to incur a late fee on a late fee I didn’t owe.

You can keep your stupid 30% coupon, by the way. 

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